Episode 2

Entered into a marriage in the summer of it's 21st year, it's Cogs! Brought to you by a grant from the Sears-Riobard foundation, and by viewers like you.


Genevieve drags Felix into the office. The shady chyrurgeon looks up from his medical manual, which is entitled "Lobotomizing Strangers in Alleyways on the Cheap, for Fun and Profit."
Captain Genevieve Sparling: "Some chaps in the pub up the street said this is the place for speedy and cheap lobotomy."
Michael Harrel: "A baseless accusation, madame. Unlicensed lobotomization is illegal, dangerous, and extremely fun. I mean, messy. I mean, what you heard was incorrect. I don't do lobotomies anymore."

Michael Harrel: "But my friend here really needs one!" says Felix.

Captain Genevieve Sparling: Sparling pulls a tight roll of twenty bolt notes from one boot; she's obviously been saving this stash, away from the potential prying of pirate passengers, for some much greater unexpected expense. She unrolls the notes and slaps them down on the table. "If you can straighten what the Enlightenment made crooked here, you can call it cross-stitch for all I care."

Michael Harrel: "…Cheaply," says the "chyrurgeon". "I don't do lobotomies *cheaply* anymore. Or rather, you can have speedy, or cheap, or somewhat unlikely to kill the patient: pick two. But this should cover the expense. I guess."

Michael Harrel: He pockets the money. "Now, whichever of you is the lucky patient, t'other should tie them down to that rickety dentist's chair under that bare swinging lightbulb over there."

Captain Genevieve Sparling: Sparling glares dangerously at Felix before he has a chance to try anything. With her pistol she motions him into the chair and secures him.

Michael Harrel: "I'll go wash my hands," says the "chyrurgeon". He turns around, spits into his hands, and rubs them together. "There, that's all good," he says turning back around and rubbing his hands on the ass of his pants to dry them.

Captain Genevieve Sparling: Sparling glances to Felix. "I hope he destroys the bit of your brain that remembers this," she mutters.

Michael Harrel: "On the other hand, maybe we should have let Evelyn have a go at me after all," says Felix. "I've always wanted to know how to make pastries."

Michael Harrel: "Now which one is the hack saw…?" says the chyrurgeon. "Oh, wait, wait. I've got it."

Captain Genevieve Sparling: "You know she's only seeing one patient right now," Sparling replies. "I can hear them going at it from all the way on the bridge. Afraid you'll have to make do with the carpenter here. At least he probably won't install some kind of cannon in your skull."

Michael Harrel: "Now, do you want general anaesthetic, or just the local variety?"

Captain Genevieve Sparling: Sparling raises a brow at Felix.

Michael Harrel: "What's the difference?" says Felix.
Michael Harrel: "An ice pack, or a quick left hook to the chin."
Michael Harrel: "I'll take the left hook."

Captain Genevieve Sparling: Sparling glances suspiciously at Felix, then pulls the cabbie hat off his head. She shakes out its contents on the floor: a switchblade, a brass compass covered in her Gentleman's mechanikal fluids, a bit of piano wire, and a phial of questionable liquid he obviously stole from Doctor Higgenbotham's room.

Captain Genevieve Sparling: "You see, if they'd spent a bit more time working on your knack for subtlety, we wouldn't be here." She nods to the "chyrurgeon" to proceed.

Michael Harrel: The anaesthesia is administered, and the chyrurgeon reaches for his tools. He drops his scalpel, curses, picks it up, wipes it off, examines it, and is good to go.

Captain Genevieve Sparling: Sparling winces, but forces herself to keep watching. She has, believe it or not, seen worse.

Michael Harrel: "You might want to stand back, missy. This is the part where it gets fun."

Captain Genevieve Sparling: She moves back out of the splash zone.

Michael Harrel: "…righty tighty, lefty loosey…" murmurs the chyrurgeon.

CUT TO: The seedy bar where Genevieve got the directions to the Chyrurgeon. Newton and Luka are seated at a booth in the corner, waiting for her return.

Chris Myers: "Look I'm just saying, you get what you pay for."

Luka Arlexi: Luka raises an eyebrow. "Your familiarity with the varying levels of quality in the sex trade is somewhat disconcerting, Mr. Falk."

Chris Myers: "I'm not coming from personal experience here! You hear a lot, I A LOT about a persons sexual exploits when they are drunk and miles away from a female for months at a time."

Chris Myers: "But enough about my parents. Where did you grow up?"

Luka Arlexi: "Oh… here and there. Russia originally, but I wasn't there long."
She mumbles to herself, "What with the attempt to execute me, and all." And takes a long drink of something that smells like the engine room.

Chris Myers: "Wow. Took me to my teens to get get run out of town…"

Michael Harrel: A man bursts through the door. "They've taken London!" he says.
"You twat," says the bartender. "They took it last week. Then they lost it. They've been taking it again and losing it again and bombing the shit out of it for the past six days. I'm surprised there's anything left there they want to take at this point."

The first man slinks embarrassedly back out of the door.

Michael Harrel: The alleyway. "All right, that's the last of the leeches," says the chyrurgeon. "Now for the opium."

Captain Genevieve Sparling: Sparling looks a little pale.

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: The door slams open, "Cease this at once!" Evelyn looks a bit angry. And a little hurt.

Captain Genevieve Sparling: "Doctor Higgenbotham, what the hell do you think you're doing?"

Michael Harrel: The chyrurgeon looks at Evelyn in shock.

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: "Captain, you didn't think to ask me to help before you gave Felix to this butcher?"

Michael Harrel: "Now look lady! I'm no butcher….Anymore. I got fired six weeks ago!"

Captain Genevieve Sparling: "You were… busy, Doctor." Sparling grows a bit more
pale. "And I couldn't find any volunteers to knock on your door."

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: "Afraid. Of what?"

Captain Genevieve Sparling: "Whatever was making those God-awful noises, Doctor."

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: "…that could be a myriad of things. Only half worth mentioning. But…still."

Captain Genevieve Sparling: Sparling gives Higgenbotham a look.

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: "You hurt me, madam. Come along, Felix," she turns and leaves. Crestfallen.

Michael Harrel: Felix groans. "I think I need another left hook," he says.
"I'm sorry, but I'll have to charge for another application of anaesthetic," says the chyrurgeon. "Or you can bite down on this stick for free."

Captain Genevieve Sparling: Sparling glowers.

Michael Harrel: "Don't pay that other lady no attention, ma'am," says the chyrurgeon. "I'll have your 'he' here into a 'she' in no time. Or wait. What kind of chyrurgery was it I was supposed to do to him…her…it?"

Captain Genevieve Sparling: Sparling considers for a moment, then shakes her head, back to the matter at hand. "You're supposed to be fixing his brain, you twat. Undo whatever damage the Enlightenment did. Make him an independent entity once more."

Michael Harrel: "Wait, wait, yes. I'm all better now," says Felix through the stick in his mouth. "Darn enlightenment! They…uh…they're far too…enlightened. and efficient. So, see, captain, ha ha, we can go now. This man's services are completely unnecessary."

Captain Genevieve Sparling: "They also didn't spend enough time on making you a convincing liar," Sparling intones.

Michael Harrel: "Oh, is that what I'm supposed to do?" says the chyrurgeon. "That'll cost you a bit more."

Captain Genevieve Sparling: At the limit of her patience, Sparling draws her pistol and points it at the chyrurgeon. "We'll be taking our business somewhere I at least have a chance of predicting the outcome." She holds out her hand for a refund.

Michael Harrel: Grudgingly, the street chyrurgeon gives her back her stack of twenty bolt bills. "Most unprofessional of you," he mutters.

Captain Genevieve Sparling: "Yes, you have room to talk." Sparling undoes Felix's restraints and directs him at gunpoint out of the alleyway and back toward the pub.

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: Evelyn is sitting there with Edouard and Newton and Luka. "Ah, there you are. I was about to go storming back."

Captain Genevieve Sparling: "Happy I could save you a trip," Sparling grunts. "If we're all finished taking in the local color, let's be off."

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: "I was about to order a pint. Everyone tells me here it's quite an experience…but we can go." Evelyn looks at a guy throwing up onto the floor across the room.

Captain Genevieve Sparling: "Beer or brains, Doctor," Sparling says, nudging Felix with her pistol. "Your choice."

Michael Harrel: "That other guy didn't think they were mutually exclusive," says Felix.

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: "Brains…always brains," she says getting up.

CUT TO: The aether.

"Captain, something is telling me that having Dr. Higgenbotham perform surgery on me is a bad idea," Felix is saying as they drag him onto the bridge.

Captain Genevieve Sparling: "Gosh," says Sparling. "I can't imagine where you could possibly have gotten that idea."

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: "Perform surgery? What a ridiculous notion. No, my methonds are far more subtle."

Michael Harrel: "I mean, literally. Someone is talking inside my head. Hang on. Yes, master, I hear and obey wholeheartedly. Okay, where were we?"

Captain Genevieve Sparling: Sparling looks entirely disgusted. "Work quickly, Doctor."

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: "…we may have to operate. But hopefully it will not come to that. I mean, I didn't need surger- I mean…I'm awesome."

Captain Genevieve Sparling: Sparling gives Higgenbotham a look.

Michael Harrel: Eduoard meets them at the lab. "And how went Felix's street surgery?" he asks.
"I'll kill you! I'll kill you all!" says Felix. "I know where you sleep! I've seen where you prepare the food you eat! I'll find a way, somehow!"
"Oh, you didn't go?" says Eduoard.

Captain Genevieve Sparling: "A rousing success, as you can see."

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: "Thanks to you, I got there just in time. Help me restrain him?"

Michael Harrel: They drag Felix into the lab and tie him to the table using the chains that were used last season to affix the werewolf to the wall.

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: Evelyn take away all things that could be used as a weapon. She puts them in a trunk across the room. This should do for now. I'll start on him straightaway. Edouard, I'd like to be alone with Felix for now." She grabs another chair and sets it in front of Felix. Then she sits in it.

Captain Genevieve Sparling: Before she sets off for the bridge, Sparling says, "How exactly do you intend to fix him, Doctor?"

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: "I'm not sure, yet. But I have an idea."

Captain Genevieve Sparling: "Uh-huh." Looking dubious, but slightly more confident in Higgenbotham's abilities than the street surgeon's, she goes to the bridge.

Chris Myers: On the bridge, Newton is speaking into the tube to the engine room "… I don't see why you're so angry. Wait, the Capt. is here."

Captain Genevieve Sparling: Sparling looks questioningly at the speaking tube.

Chris Myers: Capt. on the bridge.

Captain Genevieve Sparling: "Something happen in the pub?" Sparling asks as she goes to the chart table.

Chris Myers: "I…" Newton thinks a moment. "I'm male. I think that may be the issue."

Luka Arlexi: From the engine room, sounds of metal on metal and Russian profanity emanate.

Chris Myers: Newton looks a bit worried.

Captain Genevieve Sparling: Sparling winces knowingly. She unrolls some maps.
With the now-clean compass, she charts a course farther east. "Hmm, would you look at that. We'll be passing directly over the village where we found Luka."

Captain Genevieve Sparling: "Maybe we should set down there for a moment, have a look at the place. Pay our respects to the unmarked graves of some refugees."

Chris Myers: "You feeling alright, Capt.?"

Captain Genevieve Sparling: "Not entirely." Sparling finishes drawing the course and straightens. "Fifty-six degrees starboard and full ahead, Mr. Falk."

Chris Myers: "Aye."

CUT TO: Evelyn's lab.

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: Evelyn is sitting in a chair in front of Felix staring at him.

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: She reaches up and examines his scars.

Michael Harrel: "I hope you and Dr. Brandon are using Thoroughbred prophylactics," says Felix. "They're the only kind endorsed by the proper authorities, you know."

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: She ignores him. You can see her feel the ones by the temple and hairline. Then she places her fingers in specific places and slides them all the way to the back of his head. She sighs. "First obstacle clear."

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: "Ok, so I know what I'm dealing with a little better here."
I'm going to give you something that will put you in a trance like state. Listen to my voice. It will be your foothold in reality."

Felix: "That's… horrifying."

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: "You have no idea," she gets up and grabs a phial.
Bringing it back she has him swallow the contents and then sits down in front of him.

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: Felix closes his eyes and the light gets all werd and blurry. The camera does some turning and ends on a close up of Felix. He opens his eyes and looks around. Everythings looks greeninsh.
"Where are you, Felix?"
"I don't know. It's all foggy."
And it is.
"Ok, think back to that day on the Aether, when the Gentlemen came. It was just you and Rosser. Where were you?"
"…I was…on the bridge." And the scenery changes to that of the bridge.
"Good. What else…"
Michael Harrel: "I was at my desk plotting a course…somewhere."

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: "And then they came. What did you do?"
Michael Harrel: "I shot at them…they kept coming. Then…Rosser was free. Hit me from behind."

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: "Then what?"

Michael Harrel: "They tied me up to the chair and — told me my brain was broken. That they were going to fix it."

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: Evelyn gives a barely audible expulsion of breath. Sort of like "Typical."

Michael Harrel: "They brought in a machine…put it over my head. It cut into my brain. Filled it with images. I woke up, and my brain was fixed. It was wonderful. I love them so much!"

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: "What did the machine look like?" Was it all one head piece, or did it connect to a larger machine?"

Michael Harrel: "It was a helmet…like a diving helmet, with tubes and needles and drills sticking out of it. It was connected with a wire to…one of the gentlemen. They plugged it into his eye."

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: "How long did it take?"

Michael Harrel: "Less than a minute. I was in considerable pain. Much worse than anything I'd ever experienced before. But it was oh so worth it."

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: "Less than a minute? They've either made considerable advances or- that doesn't matter, Felix, one last question. I need you to think back and try to remember, what was the last thought you had before they put the helmet on you. What were you thinking about?"

Michael Harrel: "It's strange…I remember thinking how much I hated them. Isn't that funny? Because of course I don't. They're my friends. They only want what's best for me."

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: "Alright, Felix, I'm going to give you something to bring you back." We now see them in the lab, Evelyn holding another phial that is now empty and Felix waking up. You were very helpful, Felix, thank you."

Michael Harrel: "I hope you mean I've helped you to see the light and you want to undergo the same procedure, Dr. Higgenbotham."

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: "No, I do not wish to undergo it again. I'm crazy, but I'm not stupid."

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: She opens the door to her lab, "We're done for today. Less than a minute?" she wonders under her breath.

CUT TO: The bridge.
"Well, we had to take out the tracking device and the self destruct charge," Eduoard is saying to Newton.

Chris Myers: "Ok, so self destruct wasn't the best plan. But surely you'd want to know where the crib is? With those tank treads it can go anywhere!"

Michael Harrel: "Hmm…you may have a point."

Captain Genevieve Sparling: Sparling shakes her head and tries to ignore this conversation, focusing on her charts.

Michael Harrel: Evelyn walks onto the bridge.

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: "He's given me some good information, but I'll need a bit to formulate a plan."

Captain Genevieve Sparling: Sparling looks up. "Doctor, tell me Felix's skull isn't lying open unattended in your laboratory."

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: "Oh no no no, his skull is fine. Cutting was unecessary today. I just need him out of my lab so we can begin the next stage."

Captain Genevieve Sparling: Sparling considers this. "I suppose we could confine him to his cabin for a while…"

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: "I suggest the removal of all things but a pillow and blanket. You have no idea how creative one like him can be."

Captain Genevieve Sparling: "No argument here."

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: "Why, once, Rosser attempted to escape with a carrot!"

Captain Genevieve Sparling: Sparling draws up short and fixes Higgenbotham with an openly incredulous stare.

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: "…oh right, your friend. Ahem. Edouard, I need your help."

Michael Harrel: "At your service," says Edouard.

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: "Who's going to transfer Felix?"

Captain Genevieve Sparling: "Let me de-weaponize his room and we'll move him."
Sparling sets off down the hall.

Michael Harrel: "She never says anything to me," says Eduoard. "Do you think she hates me?"

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: "Oh…no. She just hates me. And therefore you. But she can't live without me, so she has to put up with me."

Chris Myers: "Hate is a strong word…" Newton ponders a moment. "But I think it might fit here."

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: "I'm sure if she got to know you she'd like you…but don't count on her trying."

Chris Myers: "Nope."

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: "Henry likes me, though. At least, I think she does…"

Chris Myers: "Personally, you both scare the hell out of me."

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: "Pish posh, Mr. Falk. You need not be afraid of Edouard…"

Luka Arlexi: There are still sounds of metal on metal and Russian profanity coming from the engine room. More metal than profanity now.

Michael Harrel: Also, the crackling of fire.

Chris Myers: "However, you don't scare me as much as that."

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: "You are sometimes wise, Mr. Falk. Have I ever told you that?"

Captain Genevieve Sparling: Additionally, between the bridge and the engine room Sparling is indiscriminately tossing Felix's furniture and posessions into the hallway, adding to the cacaphony.

Chris Myers: "If you did, I wasn't near enough."

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: She motions to the autopilot, "Your company is wearing off on you. It's a good thing, Mr. Falk."

Chris Myers: "He's a standup guy."

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: "Indeed," she is smiling with sincerity.

Chris Myers: "This is very odd. We should stop talking now."

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: "Indeed," she turns on her heel and walks to her lab.

Michael Harrel: They move Felix into his quarters and lock him inside. Luka exits the engine room. She appears to have recently been on fire.

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: Evelyn smiles at her. As if to say, "All in a good day's work."

Luka Arlexi: "I hate being on fire," she says simply, and heads toward the shower. She has, however, stopped swearing. In any language.

Chris Myers: Newton looks guilty. He doesn't know why.

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: Edouard looks at Luka, "I could prepare a salve for that, if you'd like." He's trying to not be annoying while offering his services.

Luka Arlexi: Luka opens her mouth to say something snarky, realizes he's not Newton, and closes it. "Erm. Sure. I'll be out in a few minutes."

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: Edouard nods and goes to the lab.

Michael Harrel: Luka shuts the door behind her. In the lavatory, she undresses (we see only a flash of side-boob), and opens the curtain, revealing the RED SHARIF. She narrowly dodges a severe kick to the head!

Luka Arlexi: "…" Luka's eye twitches.

Michael Harrel: "Cover yourself, immodest infidel!" the Red Sharif hisses at Luka.

Luka Arlexi: "You…" Luka opens the medicine cabinet calmly, and pulls out a pipe wrench. "Your timing is very poor. I'm going to start hitting you now. I don't know when I'll be able to stop."

Luka Arlexi: The scene cuts away to outside of the bathroom. There are sounds of crashing, a mirror breaking, shattering tile, struggle, and swearing in Russian and Arabic. Then silence. Luka storms out, dragging the Red Sharif, unconcious, to the bridge. Very, very convieniently placed furnishings and architechture abound. Newton turns, takes in the two of them, and blinks. "I think I understand why you're here, but… why are you naked?" Luka glares, a little bit of blood trickling from the cut corner of her mouth. "I believe this is your problem, Mr. Falk. You deal with it." She drops her would-be assailant, storms back to the bathroom, still clutching the pipe wrench, and slams the door.

Sounds of rushing water, and whistling shortly follow.

Chris Myers: Newton gives the Red Sharifette a pained look. "I'm sorry that had to happen. But it couldn't have happened to a better crazy person." He nudges her his the toe of his show. "She'll be in a much better mood now that she's hurt someone." He ties her up with the ever handy rope and begiuns dragging her feet first to the back of the ship.

Captain Genevieve Sparling: Drawn by the rhythm dragging and thudding noise, Sparling looks out of Felix's quarters and sees a very queer sight indeed. "Mr. Falk, what exactly do you plan to do with… that?"

Chris Myers: "Hang her upside down in the middle of the cargo hold after measuring to make sure she's out of arms mength of anything her would swing towatd. I have a tape measure."

Captain Genevieve Sparling: "Oh. Well, carry on then!"

Michael Harrel: Newton continues to the hatch of the cargo hold, and drops the Red Shariff down the ladder.

CUT TO: The lab. Dr. Brandon and Dr. Higgenbotham are "mixing" "chemicals".

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: "If you're done with that salve for Luka I can tell you what we need to work on for Felix," she writing notes on a scrap of paper.

Edouard looks up, "Just about."

"When I talked to Felix, he told me about the machine they used and the process to brain wash him…it was strange. It happened in less than a minute."

"That's the strange part?" he raised an eyebrow as he finished the mixture.

She pays no heed to this, "I mean, how is that possible? Perhaps he provided no barriers to them? Did they perfect the method? I was there for a day… I just seems-"

"Evie, focus. What does Felix need? We can talk about this later, but right now, you need to focus."

She shakes her head, "Right."

"Remember when we were up late in the labs at Tesla?"

He smiled, "Which particular time. I can think of many instances, not all helpful to this predicament."

"The time when we were speaking of chemical erasers. I'm thinking," Evelyn walks over to Edouard and looks very excited, "that we could perhaps actually work on that. Take it past the speculation stage."

"But, Evie, all that was merely theoretical."

"Theoretically, could we do it?"

"…Theoretically, yes," He says interested.

CUT TO: The lavatory door opens and Luka comes out dressed in overalls and with a towel on her head. She seems much cheerier. Newton is climbing back up from the cargo bay.

Chris Myers: "Oh God- I mean, Hi!"

Luka Arlexi: "Mr. Falk," she says calmly, and heads for her room. "I trust our friend is taken care of?"

Chris Myers: "You can go hit her with a stick if you want."

Luka Arlexi: "That won't be necessary…Possibly fun, but not necessary." She pauses for a moment. "Why exactly is she trying to kill you again?"

Chris Myers: "Because I stole her father? I didn't catch it all, she's a crazy lady."

Luka Arlexi: "Ah. You seem to draw a lot of those, Mr. Falk."

Chris Myers: "Ah…" Newton looks worried for a moment. Then he shuts up.

Luka Arlexi: Luka pats him on the shoulder, and heads to the engine room. Whistling again.



INT. Evelyn's lab. Day. Eduoard and Evelyn are working on their chemistry formula to cure Felix.

Eduoard: Eureeka! I think I've got it now.

Evelyn looks over interested.

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: "Have what dear?"

Michael Harrel: "This compound should reconnect the moral center of Mr. Cleary's brain with the memory center."

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: "Excellent!"

Michael Harrel: "Unfortunately it will also cause him to permanantly lose control of all his bodily functions."

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: "…and unforseen side effect. But he'll soldier on!"
She raises one arm in victory.

Michael Harrel: "Maybe we should work on it a little more, don't you think, dear?"

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: "Well, if you see it necessary…" She goes back to her work. Evelyn sighs, "I'm not really getting any closer, though I think I've discovered the cure for polio," she throws in in the trash. "…Bugger…"

Michael Harrel: "I thought your friend already had that in her blood."

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: Evelyn looks grumpy again, after the mentioning of Luka's "superior" genetic material.

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: "Yeeees, she's soooo special…" she says under her breath.

Michael Harrel: "…But I'm sure your polio cure works much more consistantly on a statistical basis and is a vast improvement."

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: Evelyn smiles, "I'm sure."

CUT TO: The bridge. Newton and Sparling are talking about what to do with their unwanted cargo.

Captain Genevieve Sparling: "There's plenty of open marshland between here and St. Petersburg. Set her down blindfolded, spin her in circles a few times, and she'll have about a one in ten thousand chance of finding an actual city before she starves."

Newton Falk: "How far up can we be when we set her down?"

Captain Genevieve Sparling: 21:55:28
Sparling grimaces. "It's entirely up to you. Why did you choose to store her in the cargo bay and not just shoot her in the head, again?"

Newton Falk: "I couldn't find a tarp."

Captain Genevieve Sparling: Sparling blinks, then shakes her head. "Right. Well." She consults her maps of northwestern Russia, many of which are a decade old and covered in scrawled handwriting. Her eyes land on a penciled X that seems to be in the middle of a big blob of nothing. "That could do nicely," she murmurs.
Twelve degrees port, Mr. Falk. You'll want to start descending in half an hour or so, and keep your eyes open—the place is small and it rather sneaks up on you."

Chris Myers: "Aye, Capt."

CUT TO: The Cargo Bay. The Red Shariff 2.0 wakes up. She is in the center of the cargo bay, hanging upside down from the ceiling and situated so that nothing is within her reach. Red Shariff: "Well…here I am." She bends at the waist, looking up at the chain from which she is hanging. "Damn. I was hoping it was rope. I suppose I could gnaw off my own feet…OR…."

CUT TO: The engine room. Luka is going about some of the more mundane tasks of engine maintainance, and is still whistling.

Michael Harrel: From below deck, she hears the "clank" of metal on metal.

Luka Arlexi: "…" She frowns slightly, eyes narrowing.

Luka Arlexi: "Mr. Falk," she calls through the speaking tube, "I think your crazy friend downstairs is doing something."

Luka Arlexi: She adds under her breath, "And I'm in too good of a mood to deal with it at the moment."

Chris Myers: To the Capt., "Permission to go bludgeon our guest with the Autopilot?"

Captain Genevieve Sparling: "Granted."

Chris Myers: He heads off to do so.

Michael Harrel: CUT TO: Evelyn's lab.

Eduoard says: "I think I've just about neutralized the whole bodily function thing. How is your half coming along?"

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: "Not very…oh, actually, it's done!" She says, holding it up happily.

Michael Harrel: "Excellent! Shall we go apply the cure, then?"

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: "Lets!"

Michael Harrel: In the hall, they pass Newton, who is walking purposefully toward the cargo hold, tapping the autopilot against his palm.

"Should we tell the captain that we're ready?" says Edouard.

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: "Maybe we should just give him the formula without telling her. If it works, great! If not…she'll blame us. We can always blame bad stuff on the Enlightenment…"

Captain Genevieve Sparling: Sparling pokes her head out of the bridge. "You do realize I'm only five meters away, right?"

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: "…Bugger. Do you think she heard us?" She says out of the side of her mouth to Edouard.

Michael Harrel: "What do you mean 'us'?" he whispers back.

Newton Falk: "Anyone wanna help me break someones will to fight?"

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: "Oh, that sounds lovely, it really does, Mr. Falk, but we have to save Felix," Evelyn says to him. She seems somewhat disappointed.

Captain Genevieve Sparling: "Work fast, Doctor, and you might have time to go watch afterward!"

Newton Falk: "I'll save you a kneecap."

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: Evelyn claps, "It's settled. Ok, lets do this whole reverse re-education…thing."

Captain Genevieve Sparling: Sparling peers at the phials Evelyn and Edouard are holding. "What exactly are those meant to do, then?"

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: "Hopefully…good things," Evelyn seems cheerful and dangerously optimistic again.

CUT TO: The cargo bay. Newton slides down the ladder, autopilot at the ready.

….The Red Shariff is still hanging from the chain. Beneath her lies a pneumatic lock-picking device, which she has apparently dropped from the folds of her clothing. She appears to be rather annoyed.

Newton Falk: "Oh look at that! I wonder if that's sanitary to pick up?" Newton realizes he's leaning on the Autopilot like some kind of villian and shifts his wieght. "Right, time to pretend I'm not enjoying this." He approaches her, Autopilot raised…

Michael Harrel: "I don't suppose you'd be kind enough to hand me my lockpicking device, despised heathen infidel?"

Newton Falk: "Where it's been? Rather not. No, I think I'll just work you over a bit with this here fine instument of destruction."

Michael Harrel: As Newton nears, the pneumatic lockpicking device TRANSMORPHS into a two-foot-tall spidery automaton thing.

Newton Falk: "Ah, hell no!" Newton charges the robot. He swings with the intent to do it deathly harm. Without a word, without even a sound, the automaton reaches out a spindly appendage; the business end transferring a carefully measured amount of force. To Newton's crotch. His face turns green, and he mouths "No fair!" before doubling over in pain. The device then returns to it's perfect, almost Zen like state of non-motion.

Michael Harrel:
From somewhere else on the ship comes the sound of Felix screaming in pain.

CUT TO: Felix's cabin. Edouard and Evelyn are administering their cure.

"Apparently one of the side effects of the compound may be a sensation of some amount of discomfort," muses Edouard.

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham:

Captain Genevieve Sparling: Sparling gives Edouard a withering look.
"How long do you estimate it will take for us to know whether your 'cure' has done more than cause him agony?"

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham:
Evelyn shrugs, "Soon?"

Michael Harrel:
"Assuming that he doesn't lie to us in an attempt to get us to trust him so he can betray us again."

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham:
"Oh wait! I have a chemical for that!"

Michael Harrel: "A chemical for lying?"

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: Evelyn runs out of the room to go get it.

Captain Genevieve Sparling: Sparling eyes Felix with pity and seems to be debating whether she should move closer and risk getting shivved with a loose piece of the Aether's floorboards or some such.

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: Evelyn runs back with a few phials in her hand.
She goes through them, "…sulfiric acid…" she throws it to Edouard who catches it with wide eyes, "…something purple…" she also tosses that to him,"…ah! here it is!" She has Felix drink it. "He will be unable to lie to us in a few moments."

Michael Harrel:
"Hopefully these labels weren't switched around again," says Edouard.

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham:
"Oh," Evelyn looks worried for a moment, then shakes her head, "No, no, that only happened twice."

Captain Genevieve Sparling:
Sparling rubs absently at a spot on her side.

CUT TO: The cargo bay. "It would seem that we're at a standoff, Mr. Falk," says the Red Shariff after Newton has attempted unsuccessfully to destroy her robot a few more times, each time suffering another harsh bludgeoning to the groinal region.

Newton Falk: Newton drops the shoe he was trying to use to block the punches and takes a few steps back. He eyes the Autopilot that has fallen just out of his reach. "I don't really think so, I'm happy to report." He walks backward to the hatch and calls down the hall toward the screaming. "Someone bring soime asprin! And some acid to throw on this damn mechanical wonder of science! Did you hear me? MECHANICAL WONDER OF SCIENCE, DAMNIT!"

Michael Harrel: While he's far enough away, the automaton leaps up to the chain holding the Shariff up, and working quickly he unlocks it. She falls to the ground, landing somehow on her feet. The automaton jumps down lightly onto her shoulder.

Michael Harrel: INT. The engine room. Luka hears Newton's calls for help.

Luka Arlexi: Luka wipes her hands off on an oil rag, and retrieves a small bottle of aspirin from one of her toolboxes. There were in fact two bottles, one labeled "regular" and the other labeled something in large, red Cyrilic letters. She chose the second one.

CUT TO: -The cargo bay. "Have you had enough, Newton Falk? Or do you want another round with my friend here?"

Newton looks worried for a second, then smiles as he hears foot steps. As he glances down the hall way briefly, he stops smiling. "Oh damn, I'm sorry." Looking down the hallway, "Luka! Is that asprin?"

Luka Arlexi: "Why are you—oh." Luka eyes the Red Sharif. "Well. You're looking concious."

The Red Shariff eyes her curiously. "You're looking fully clothed."

Newton Falk: "Watch out, it's kicky." Newton shields his crotch.

Luka Arlexi: "Well, you're not jumping me from a shower this time." Luka hands Newton the bottle. "Don't take more than one in fourty-eight hours."

Luka then eyes the small mechanical device. "Hellooo…" She's smiling again. It's not a nice smile.

Michael Harrel: 00:20:07
"Oh…your name is Luka?" says the Sharif.

Luka Arlexi: Luka is still watching the mechanical spindly thing skitter about. "One of them," she replies absently.

Michael Harrel: "Tell me, is it generally European custom for men to cower while their women do all the fighting, or is that singular to your Mr. Falk?"

Chris Myers: "Oh damn," Newton looks genuinely worried. "She's going to let you live now. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

Luka is still paying little obvious attention to the woman. "We have a saying you may be familiar with. 'Fight fire with fire.''' She pulls out her portable blowtorch and flicks it on. "It's a metaphor. I prefer to be literal." She swipes through the rope holding up some empty shipping crates, and moves to jump back. A coil of loose rope attatched to said shipping crate, however, is rather inconveniently at her feet. She notices this a moment to late to do anything useful about it. She sighs. As the Red Sharif leaps nimbly backwards, and ducks out of sight, Luka skyrockets upward.

Settling into a rather violent sway near the ceiling, she rubs at her temples. "Mr. Falk, I'm going to be needing that bottle back." She cranes her neck to look around for the mechanical lockpick. A spindly leg twitches weakly from underneath the crates. Luka sighs again. "I missed."

"Your rescue seems to be going very poorly, Mr. Falk."

Newton Falk: "What else is new…" Newton brightens up. "Hey these are really working, what are they?"

Luka Arlexi: "Veterinary grade pain-killers. Make sure you only take one, or your heart might stop."

Newton Falk: "Veterinary?" Newton looks at the bottle. "I've been knocking over the wrong joints looking for meds."

Luka Arlexi: "I grew up with mechanics." Luka shrugs. The gesture looks very strange upside down. She begins trying to untangle her leg.

Michael Harrel: The Sharif sweeps past an enthused Newton and to the ladder up. She pauses. "Newton Falk, I have sworn to kill you because you killed my father, but I will spare your life. This time. Because I have discovered that there is an emotion even more powerful than hatred, and that is—" CLANG! Capt. Sparling, coming down the ladder, delivers a savage kick to the Sharif's head that sends it crashing into one of the ladder's steps. The Sharif falls unconscious to the floor.

Ext. A russian convent. The Aether is hovering close to the ground…but not *too* close to the ground. Newton and the captain are holding onto either side of a human-sized bundle wrapped in red fabric. "One…two…three!" They hoist it over the side of the observation deck, where it lands with a dull thud. Wiping their hands decisively, they return to the bridge and the aether flies off into the distance.

Felix staggers to the doorway of the bridge, looking the worse for wear but at least seemingly in his right mind. "Permission to take my post, captain?"

Captain Genevieve Sparling:
Sparling eyes him carefully. "Let me see your hat, Felix."

Michael Harrel: Felix hands it over.

Captain Genevieve Sparling: Sparling inspects the inside and gives it a few shakes for good measure, then hands it back, satisfied. "Welcome back, Navigator Cleary."

Michael Harrel: "Thanks, captain. What course shall I plot?"
Captain Genevieve Sparling: "Take us to the outskirts of St. Petersburg. I have some hunting to do."

Michael Harrel:
"Aye, sir."

The Aether steams away. FADE TO CREDITS.


Michael Harrel: The Producer: Man! I totally got a good eight or nine hours' sleep last night.
Captain Genevieve Sparling: Sparling enters a small, dank tavern full of Russians. At the sight of her, half the patrons draw their weapons. The other half shout some variation of "Comrade!" and buy her drinks.

Luka Arlexi: Luka opens the shower curtain abruptly, wielding the pipe wrench. She looks relieved to find nothing. There is no side-boob. …Or is there? WATCH AND SEE.

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: Edouard looks up, "That's very nice, dear, but does it have any practical uses…look who I'm talking to."

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