Episode 5

And now, it's Cogs!  Brought to you by Dr. Clodhammer's patented Marvellouse Invincible Irone Man steam-powered armor suit!  When you need to keep at least some of your minions alive, give them Dr. Clodhammer's patented Marvellouse Invincible Irone Man suit; in recent tests it averages a 0.5% survival rate against an average set of protagonists!  That's over twice the survival rate as the leading brand of powered armor suit!  Dr. Clodhammer - we like to say we make a rather decent suit of steam-powered armor.

Michael: And now, back to Cogs.

Newton Falk: "Fuck!"

Michael: BANG! Quick flashes between Felix and the Gentleman's eyes.

Pull back to:  A thin line of blood appears at the corner of Felix's mouth. Felix falls away; the gentleman wheels the gun around to Captain Sparling.

Michael: "Now, my dear Captain.  You'll tell your crew to stand down and drop their weapons."

Genevieve Sparling: Sparling doesn't seem to hear, or notice the gun aimed at her. Her eyes are on Felix.

Michael: Felix is trying to push himself into a sitting position.  Blood still drips from his mouth.

Newton Falk: Newton is in mid air, umbrella directed at The Gentleman's head…

Newton Falk: The captain watches as Felix gasps for breath, the Gentleman's eyes fixed on her face.  Shift in the corner of his eye causes him to turn, gun swinging about.  Newton dodges, swinging wide, just in time to avoid the second shot.  Hitting the ground and rolling Newton charges again, but the Gentleman suddenly slips as he steps on the Autopilot!  The gun flys from his hand as he tumbles to the ground, but before he can get his feet Newton is towering over him.  The Gentleman smiles, but only for a monment before Newton brings the umbrella down heavily into his chest.  The Gentleman looks at the implement, it's tip completely buried.

"You better hope he pulls through, chap.  Otherwise you ain't dying tonight.  Capt.?  How's Felix?"

Genevieve Sparling: Sparling emerges from a daze and rushes to Felix's side. "Doctor Higgenbotham, get over here."

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: She runs over to Felix. "Knife," she says, holding out her hand.

Genevieve Sparling: Sparling hands her a pocketknife.

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: She cuts the shirt off of felix and exposes the wound.

Michael: Felix has been shot in the gut.  Blood is oozing out of the wound.
"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: "Oh dear… No, it's not that bad… You wouldn't want me to put a cannon in there, would you?"

Genevieve Sparling: Sparling bites back a curse.

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: "I can make one right now if you want. It'll be state of the art…" Felix groans. "Ok, no then." She starts working on his wound.

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: Evelyn begins to pull random phials and instruments out from what seems like nowhere. She works with precision and confidence, her hands darting from Felix's wound to whatever tool she needs next.

"Doctor…" Captain Sparling says with worry in her voice.

Evelyn holds up a bloody hand for silence and then continues. Within ten minutes she has the situation under control. She's given Felix something for the pain and he seems to be sleeping somewhat peacefully for his situation.

Genevieve Sparling: Sparling, looking a little pale, straightens and glances around the room. "Have we passed any wheelbarrows lately?"

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: "I can make one…with a cannon!"

Genevieve Sparling: "No."

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: She looks a little sad.

Luka Arlexi: "I think I saw some gurnies downstairs," Luka ponders.

Newton Falk: Newton waits until the rest of the crew is gone looking for tools.

"Aren't you a lucky bastard?"  He looks into the face of the Gentleman.

Before he can speak, Newton steps on his throat.  He stares into the Gentleman's face for a few minutes before removing his foot.

"That's done."  He removes the umbrella, retrives the Autopilot and follow his friends.

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: Evelyn looks at the Gentleman's body, then harpoons it once for good measure.

Genevieve Sparling: Sparling returns with a gurney in tow and lifts Felix onto it. "Let's get the hell out of here. If we have the room, we should bring what's left of him with us," Sparling says, nodding toward the gentleman's corpse. "I've always wanted to see what's inside one of those things."

Newton Falk: "Blood by the look of it," Newton says idly, glancing at the umbrella.

Michael: As they exit the building, the entire island has erupted into a full-scale prisoner revolt.  Most of the buildings are on fire.  There are gunshots, shouts, and explosions everywhere.

Newton Falk: "This is more like it."

Genevieve Sparling: Sparling looks around. "The Fox didn't waste any time, did she?"

Luka Arlexi: "She never does. I guess that didn't change."

Newton Falk: Newton looks around for the ambulance that he expects to be idling near by. "Damn it."

Genevieve Sparling: "I suggest we hurry."

Michael: The building behind them erupts into flames.

Newton Falk: "So, what was our exit plan?"

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: "Must go faster!"

Newton Falk: "Right…"

Genevieve Sparling: "To be quite honest, I didn't expect us to survive this long."

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: Evelyn giggles.

Newton Falk: "Great, remind me to bring that up on my review.  Exceeds expectations!"

Luka Arlexi: "Like you need an excuse to think highly of yourself, Mr. Falk." Luka grins.

Genevieve Sparling: "Oh, not to worry—you're all getting a substantial pay raise after this is over. It's not hard to make it substantial when you start at zero."

Michael: Suddenly, a gigantic half-steam-guard half-gorilla with a gattling gun grafted into its back lumbers onto the scene! "YOU NO PASS!"

Luka Arlexi: "… A… are you serious?"

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: "Don't I know you…"

Newton Falk: "I was waiting for this.  Anyone got a grenade?  Anti-tank mine or three?"

Michael: "You escape Colonel Hoffenstein for the last time!"

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: "No, wait, it's Colonel Simeon… well, Captain now, they demoted you I see. Awww…"

Newton Falk: "Colonel Who?"

Genevieve Sparling: "Oh dear. They upgraded his hardware, but they seemed to neglect his former capacity for grammar."

Luka Arlexi: Luka looks over at the Captain. "And here I thought I had the bizzare old aquaintences."

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: "Indeed. Hence the demotion, I'd guarantee it."

Michael: The gorilla opens fire; the crew takes cover behind the wreckage of an idling ambulance.

Newton Falk: Looks around.  "Damn it."

Genevieve Sparling: "Doctor Higgenbotham, I don't expect we can eliminate him through the same means as last time?"

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: "We can see…" Lobs fire phial at him.

Michael: The gorilla shoots the phial out of mid-air.

Genevieve Sparling: "That would be a no."

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: "Drat."

Michael: It explodes in between the gorilla and the ambulance.  The gorilla jumps on top of a nearby pile of corpses and continues shooting at the crew.

Newton Falk: "This a friend of yours?"

Genevieve Sparling: "Loosely speaking."

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: "If I was in the habit of exploding friends… which you should be happy about…"

Genevieve Sparling: Sparling eyes the corpse of the gentleman in black, which she shoved into the space just above the wheels of Felix's gurney. "Doctor, on a scale of one to ten, how intelligent would you say our ape friend is right now?"

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: "Point and shoot."

Genevieve Sparling: "Excellent. Mr. Falk, I'll need that umbrella." Sparling takes the gentleman's bowler cap and jacket as well.

Newton Falk: "I want it back…" Hands it over slowly.

Genevieve Sparling: "I won't break it."

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: "Oooo, I see. This could work well. Or end in tragedy…"

Genevieve Sparling: "Fingers crossed, then."

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: "All of them," she nods. Then holds them up.

Newton Falk: "Are you gonna get gorilla all over it?"

Genevieve Sparling: "Only if this goes terribly wrong." Sparling dons the bowler and jacket, spins the umbrella in one hand, and strolls lazily out from behind the wreckage.

"Ah, Captain Hoffenstein, so good to see you about your work. But alas and alack, you seem to be in the wrong section of the facility!"

Michael: "Hurrrm?" says the ape, ceasing fire.

Genevieve Sparling: Sparling nods gravely. "Yes indeed! Our insurrectionists and invaders have migrated to the western side of the complex. If you stay here, you'll miss out on all the fun, wot wot?"

Newton Falk: -Whispers- "Wot, wot?"

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: Covers her mouth to not giggle so loudly.

Michael: "Me sorry!" says Hoffenstein.  He lumbers off of the pile of corpses and heads east.

Genevieve Sparling: Once the ape is out of sight, Sparling's shoulders slump noticeably and she removes the gentleman's borrowed hat and jacket as soon as possible. "Let's be off, then," she calls to the crew.

Newton Falk: Newton claps.

CUT TO: The Aether.  The crew is loading the last of the gurneys. There are still sounds of gunfire and explosions, but in the distance.

Genevieve Sparling: "Doctor Higgenbotham, try to wake up Doctor Aldridge, without triggering any unseemly transformations, and have him check Felix over."

Newton Falk: "Luka, why don't you stay with Daniel?  I'll fire up the engines."

Luka Arlexi: "Oh. Erm." Luka looks to the Captain.

Newton Falk: "Too late." Newton walks to the back of the ship.

Genevieve Sparling: "Go ahead, Luka." Sparling heads for the bridge.

Luka Arlexi: Luka nods. "Thanks. Both of you."

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: "Don't worry, he can't break the ship too much. Lets get Wolfy McWolfington to a secure area."

CUT TO: The Aether takes off, and gets the hell out of there.

CUT TO: Dr. Higgenbotham's lab.  Daniel is secured to the wall.  He's still naked. And unconscious.

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: Evelyn pats him on the cheek to wake him up.

Michael: His eyes flutter open. "Wh-where am I?"

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: "Safe… ish."

Luka Arlexi: "On an airship, Danny." She is taking a courteously concentrated interest in everything above shoulder level.

Michael: "… Why am I strapped to this wall?  Where are my clothes?"

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: "Oh, well, you shredded your clothes in the… transformation, which is the answer to the first question… open your mouth," Evelyn hold out a tongue depressor.

Michael: He opens his mouth to say something.  Evelyn sticks in the tongue depressor.

CUT TO: the cargo bay.  Captain Sparling is standing over the corpse of the gentleman in black.

Genevieve Sparling: Sparling holds a small briefcase, taken from Higgenbotham's laboratory. She opens it to reveal a selection of surgical implements and several phials.

She removes a wickedly curved scalpel and sets to work.

CUT TO: The bridge.  Newton is flying the ship.

Newton Falk: Newton eyes the umbrella, holding the wheel in place.  "Seems to be working alright."

He looks at the bent and beaten rebar that makes up the Autopilot.  Then looks over his shoulder to the chart table.  "I hate it when things change."

CUT TO: Evelyn's lab. Evelyn is poking Daniel off-screen and he's making faces.  It's funny.

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: "Well, until I know what triggers the change, I'll have to keep him separated, but I don't really think there's any real danger at this point."

Luka Arlexi: "That's good to hear, Doctor."

Michael: "Does that mean I can have some clothes, now?"

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: Looks around, finds an apron and hangs it around his neck. "There. Lovely" Also, the apron is kind of transparent. "It will keep the wind off of you."

Michael: "Thanks.  Now kindly untie me so I can check on your wounded friend."

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: "Oh…right." Pats around her lab coat. "Keys…"

Luka Arlexi: Luka eyes Evelyn with a raised eyebrow, and asks quietly, "Is there any particular reason you had a full set of restraints?"

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: "Um… well… They were on sale and… Well, they came in handy, didn't they?" Finds the key and unlocks Daniel.

Michael: Daniel moves over to check on Felix.

CUT TO: the cargo bay. Below the layers of skin and tissue, the Gentleman is a mass of coils, springs, cogs and wires.

Genevieve Sparling: Sparling's expression is a mix of triumph at having proven herself right, and revulsion at what she sees.

Michael: His heart is half-metal, half-flesh.  Most of the other organs have been removed.

Michael: As Sparling leans over the body, she hears a faint ticking sound, even now.

Genevieve Sparling: Perplexed and vaguely alarmed, Sparling weighs her options, then picks up a small hand-cranked rotary saw and turns it to the gentleman's neck.

Michael: As she begins cutting into the neck, the gentleman's eyes fly open.

Genevieve Sparling: Sparling jumps back and draws her sidearm.

Michael: The gentleman's jaw muscles tense as he bites down on something.  A dull electronic whine sounds —
CUT TO: The bridge

Michael: Newton has left the umbrella as the new autopilot, and takes the old autopilot outside to the observation balcony.

Newton Falk: Newton looks out over the expanding ocean and tests the wieght of the Autopilot in his hand. "Been a long strange trip, ain't it?" he says, addressing the length of iron. "I apprieciate everything you've done, but fact is a time comes for us all.  That bend you got a while back, you know you can't keep the rudder like you used to.  I wish things could be different, but I know you understand…"

He clears a tear from his eye. "Shit.  I gotta get this done or I'm gonna be hauling around a bent length of rebar for the rest of my life."

He winds back, and tosses the Autopilot over the bow of the ship.

Newton shifts his weight, and starts to walk back to the hatch.

Michael: Just then, there's a loud explosion from the cargo section.  Newton is bucked off of the hull of the ship and flies backwards.  We follow him as he sails past the ship — but we get a good view of the gaping, smoking hull in the cargo bay, and (already in the distance) we see the form of a falling body, dressed in black, its head hanging to one side at an unnatural angle.



"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: "If you want something done right…" Evelyn rolls up her sleeves.

Newton Falk: Newton breaks the surface of the water, throws his arm over a charred floating board. "The more things change—" -coughs up water-

Luka Arlexi: Luka is taking an intense interest in the ceiling, and speaking to someone offscreen. "And why aren't you wearing pants?"

Genevieve Sparling: Sparling, bloodied, limping, and slightly charred, pulls herself up the ladder to the Aether's main deck. "Stupid, stupid," she mutters. She enters the bridge, glances at the umbrella, and turns back to the hallway. "Mr. Falk," she calls, "this is no time to be in the head!"

"Dr" Evelyn Higgenbotham: Felix groans while sleeping. Loud noises can be heard outside his room.

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